If I Could Control My Heart , I Would Stop It From Falling In Love With You :(

This will be the first and last post for today . For the first time in my life , I want to say this . It's straight from the bottom of my heart .. Don't get me wrong . Don't EVER judge me by what i'm saying here . 

You should know , that sometimes ,saying things like this ,does not make me a bitch , 

or self-centered person . I am allowed to have opinions , and I am allowed to think about things my way . 

Hm .. 

I shall begin now ..  

Hey . 

I love you , more than anything in the world . I have never loved anyone this much , and you should always remember that . Other girls may say they love you so much , like they've never been hurt and suchlike . But you never know how far it is from the truth . I don't know how they truly feel , but deep down inside my heart ,   

I know that i honestly am in love . Not because of your looks ,or how famous you are , 

or how stylish you really are .. Or how hot your body is . 

No . Big NO . 

Let me get this straight . Saying " I love you " might be very common these days , since other girls say it to you too . But you never know whether it's the truth , or they're just exaggerating . Or pretending . Because I can tell .. From the way they treat you ..They're looking at your face . Not your heart . Truthfully , I'm feeling sad about it . Really . It's sad that you can't differentiate people who love you because of how you look like . They are two different things , and I never want you to think they're the same . They are not ,and they will never be . Do they love you when you screw things up ,and make them mad as hell ? Do they love you when you look like a mess,and your hair isn't that sexy ? Do they love you when all you do is loving other girls but not them ? Do they ? 

No . They don't . But me ? I do . I do love you even when you screw things up , and make me mad as hell . I do love you even when you said " I hate you " to me . I do love you when you look like a mess , and your hair isn't that sexy . I do love you when all you do is loving other girls ... 

And , these aren't the only things . There are many other things , that when you do them , I still am loving you like you're the only guy in my life . I know , we had our memories . The bitter memories , the sweet ones . They unforgettable and I surely won't forget anything . We had our time . It was the best thing I ever had in my entire life . Being yours ... It was the greatest thing of all . We had our chance . We had it all ..  But sometimes I just want to ask for more . Being here , and with my mind still thinking of you , is a choice . Among all the choices i have , I chose this part , I close this way to live my life . I know . I'm sad . I'm pathetic . I know I should't be doing this . But hey , you don't know how complicated this is , until you put yourself in my shoes . You can't just imagine if you were me . You have to be me , to feel everything I'm feeling right now . You can't simply tell me to get over him , to move on , to completely forget everything . Tell me , how can you ever do that when he's the only guy who's constantly on your mind ,every single second ? Not every single minute or every single hour , but every single second . You won't know what i'm feeling right now . You may say , you have been there ,and you have felt it . The pain . The feeling that I barely know of . No dear , I know you have felt this kind of pain , this kind  of feeling , but you don't know this pain , and you certainly don't know about this feeling . 

I'm sorry I should't have been so honest . I'm feeling fucked up . I don't even know why . That's the most painful feeling I've ever felt in my life . Feeling hurt without knowing why . Everything is fine , but something is actually incomplete . My life is incomplete . What did I lose ? Oh ,my everything . Yeah . I know . You're effing tired of girls , who just can't get over you . They can move on , they can forget you . But me. I can't . I tired it a million times and I ended up failing . They can move on and you will feel like you've lost nothing . Maybe , you lost an admirer . A fan . But what if you lose me ? Will it be the same ? I don't think so .But maybe , it will . Who knows . 

Okay this is getting more complicated . I don't want to  

complicate anyone's mind . 

Don't read this . 

I'm just feeling some crappy feeling . Perhaps I'm just 

too bored . 

Finally , 

Goodbye and I love you . 

It's okay if you got over me already . 

I miss you zac efron . 

 .fina .