everything's a mess

   

I promise not to give up . So here I am , waiting patiently for you :) 

Things have been such a blur lately . I don't even know what's going on . It's like the whole world is falling on me . Suddenly I can't stop crying and my heart aches so badly that I can't hold it in anymore . There are times when I scream into my pillow . So that I'll come out muffled and my parents wouldn't hear me . 

It's honestly tiring you know ? To be like this . I'm tired of being the one fighting would not leave . I'm tired of people giving up on me easily . I'm tired of being forced to forget someone who gave me so much to remember . I'm just tired of everything . Its like everything seems so fine and I was so happy and then suddenly something came up and well . bye bye fairytale . 

Every single night I lay on my bed , wondering what's gonna happen the next day . Wondering if there's gonna be a miracle . if all my waiting is gonna pay , if you'd finally realize how much you mean to me and just , you know, come back . But then I wake up the next morning and go through the day , pretending I'm okay at school, laughing and all when really all I wanna do is scream, then I go home and go for my tuition and all , and then when I come home at night , I think of you and I start crying all over again . Pathetic . I know . Sigh . All that's left for me now are just pictures . But they're no ordinary pictures to me . They're our pictures . I love you . Aizat Asyraf . Honestly , I do . And I can't just 'unlove' you just like that . I know you've probably moved on by now but I'm still stuck in the past . I guess I'm not worth fighting for but I'll wait . What we had was beyond special okay . If it wasn't special to you , it was for me . I'm sorry but forgetting you is just something that I'm not capable of . I love you and I'll keep waiting .