one day , I won't be able to hold anything in any longer , I'd burst . And that would be ugly . 

Call me crazy , call me insane . I'm girl . I can't help it . Can't help falling in love,getting hopes up , planning my future, etc etc etc . But what breaks me is when people keep doing things just to bring me down . 

Fuck this shit . Seriously . Just fuck this shit . I'm just so tired with everything . For once, I beg you  . Let me live a happy life . I've spent half my life trying SO HARD to be the best for everyone . I tried SO HARD okay . So hard . Do you honestly think it's easy,waking up and going through the day having to pretend that you're okay then cry yourself to sleep at night ? I never asked for any of this . For once, I just want someone to understand that it's not easy to be me . I know I make it look like I move on fast,I'm happy,cheerful but seriously you guys , I'm not okay . I'm just so sick of having people breaking me down every 5 minutes of my life , like literally . Don't you ever get tired of seeing me like this ? Oh right , NO ! Because to you , I'm just opponents in a games that we're both playing and of course , who wouldn't be happy if their opponent ends up and falling to to the ground,right ? But hey , I have a heart . I'm not sure if you have one but well , a heart can ache , you know . Wow , guess what ? You learned something new today! I don't know if it's just me or are you just really so fucking heartless but seriously , stop hurting me . PLEASE . I'm on my knees . I'm sorry . 

I'm truly sorry okay . I'm sorry I tried fucking hard to be the person you guys wanted me to be . I'm sorry for trying my best to make people around me happy when truly I'm just fucking torn inside . I'm sorry for making it too easy for people to walk in and out of my life . I'm sorry I made myself look like pathetic , desperate whore , begging people to stay with me and not walk away . I'm sorry for not being there for any of you . I'm sorry I even existed in your life . You know what ? I give up . I'm tired of everything ... Just when I thought that things were gonna take a turn and and be fine , some people just had to come along and ruin it . And now , I'm just so stressed up and my life had turned into a big pie of mess and I have no idea how the fuck am I supposed to clean this mess up . You guys think I'm strong ? Yeah well , I was . Not anymore . So many people broke me down this year and it's be what . 2 month ? For 2 months I have been dealing with too many things and oh God , I swear I just can't take it anymore . I've been dealing wit break ups friendship,exam problem , friend issue , myself confidence , and the worst part was when people start bringing up my past . Seriously , I don't live in the past anymore okay . I know I've been a terrible person but I'm trying my best to change and I honestly can't change if you keep talking about my dark past , okay ? 

All I'm asking for is some mercy . Please . Let me breathe . I'm tired of crying at nights . I'm tired of dealing through this . You guys have no idea what I've been going through . Yes , I did make mistakes . We're human . But I do apologise when I make mistakes . And sometimes I tend to apologise even it's not my fault , simply because I just don't want to make enemies . Look,whatever it is , I'm truly sorry for everything okay .  

whatever it is , I love you boo boo . you know I call you boo boo and I love you . I promised myself not to contact you anymore . and this is real promised . One day , If we gonna meet , or if I saw you , I promised , I tak buat tak kenal you , make you a stranger . I layan you mcm I tak kenal you langsung . I akan jauhkan hati I even hati I cakap 'omg its you , in front of me , feel like wanna hug you , miss your manja-ing , want to kiss you , ' but hey I can't do that anymore . I should pretend all over . pretend my feeling for you . Even I do not contact you , do not force you to see me , not a reason I hate you , I just feel annoying . wtf beriye you said ? hey , I just want to ask you a questions . but salright if you say that . It may hurt me but sokay . Like I say , I love you . you push me away . so far away . I feel like hmmmmm . I will make something for you that you don't expect it would happen . I promised . surprise for you but I would not be there . yes I ada tapi I tengk dari jauh but semua tu I yang sediakan . Biar kawan I cakap membazir or what , that is the last for me . let me do this guys .  

hee okay I dekat melaka sekarang ni , ingat balim hari je , sekali poksu ajak stay satu malam . poksu dari kl dgn mokde and nenek pergi melaka , while me and parents dari johor .  jumpe di tengah jalan . this is fun you know . poksu belikan baju kat kl and yeah dia bawak bg kat I tadi . then malam kami satu family makan dekat alaii . omg yess seafood babeyh . lepastu lepaklepak hahaha air cap ayam . poksu banyak beli barang untuk kitee . heehe sampai mummy cakap kesian adik aku kene kebas dgn anak aku :D hehe kat johor ke , dekat kl kene dekat melaka kene , dekat mana mana la . kikiki . 

tadi kan time jalanjalan , I nampak rantai kunci and nak beli , but tak jadi ;'( teringat yang kawan cakap . jangan beli . tunggu someone bagi .  then biar dia cakap 'sorry buat you tunggu lame , tunggu I lame sangat but you have my heart . always ' alahaii something like that la kan . entah bila la agaknya . woii aku ni perasan jugak . calon satu haprak pun takde nak berangan . kikikikiki . kaki I ha'ah lengah habis satu hari berjalan tengok movie semua .  

hmm teringat pasal exam . belum habis lagi . ada lagi dua minggu lepastu cuti . yes cuti . eh 11jun you da naik kolej kan ? hmm goodluck eh , lepasni tkde la setiap hari isnin you ponteng sbb dating dengan I , tkdela balik kelas pergi tuti dgn I , takde la you bawak I makan , da tkde lagi you nak bawak I pergi mana and benda paling menyakitkan you da takde hati dekat I . don't you remember I cakap you buat I jatuh hati dengan you ? *sigh . okay stop kejap . haritu cikgu tande kertas exam seni shikin . shikin paksepakse cikgu . then duduk sebelah shikin tande la . she got 39/50 . okay cool . belum tambah kertas dua confirm 40lebih gitu sbb shikin lukis colour semua cantik tambah folio lagi . then I amek kertas I check  ya Allah . bad luck you know ? Macam nak nangis . sumpah . shikin je tahu then bila syaza tanye fina diam je . syaza tanye shikin then shikin buat muka sedih . okay mmg rasa pelik gila shikin lagi la siap terkejut bila dengar, takpernah okay dapat mcm tu . selalu fina pandai , markah tinggi je tak pernah betul ciput mcm tu . tapi yeah mintakmintak bole cover dgn kertas 2 and 3 . tapi sedih la kertas 1 mcm tu , betul sikit je . memang kecewa . shikin tahu aku penuh dengan masalah . sbb tu down gila babi result aku .tu baru satu kdah taknak check yang lain . lagi down mampus nak jawab ape dengan parents. Isnin ni sejarah tapi fina dekat melaka boleh holiday kejap okay bagus la . Ish tk boleh jwb la kalau da dapat tahu result seni mcm tu . eh sala only kertas 1 . belum campur habis lagi .hmmm .  

hmm kenape you tk halang I ? kenape youu ? dulu I cakap I sayang you sebagai kwn you mcm nak lebih lagi , bila I da jatuh hati dengan you , you pergi tinggalkan I . ini ke permainan you ? I da nampak da . terima kasih . then now yo da start nak kutuk kutuk I and again terima kasih .  

kasut senii akuuu ehehehhe lawa siak . even belum siap . da colour habis dengan kuda laut habis aku colour . omg bila jemur dpn bilik seni budak form1 lalu cakap kasut aku cantik . diaorang bandingkan kasut aku dgn syaza and budakbudak tu cakap kasut aku cantik . kikikiki me terus cakap 'ni belum habis lagi ,belum kemaskan ' haihh mmg pun , cikgu pun cakap kenape colour kuda laut warna biru comot gila ? aduhh mmg la saya belum kemaskan lagi pakai marker . belum buat mata lagi . banyak lagi kene betulkan . 18.5.2012 tarikh last hantar folio seni dengan kasut sekali .  so lepastu bole fokus dekat pameran jelahhh . tapi tapi eh rabu ni hari guru kan ? nak belik ek untuk cikgu , cikgu siape ? cikgu seni la . dia da banyak tolong fina .fina setiap kali asek cakap je cikgu arcrylic warna biru takde . eh setiap kali jumpe mesti cakap mcm nak nangis . sekali cikgu da simpankan untuk kitaorang dalam peti . mcm mcm warna ada . hehehe mmg sayang cikgu la . ehh hujan diluar . johor hujan tak eh ?  

youu , I nak betulkan hubungan kita . treat I mcm first you tegur I . please . I akan sentiase okay stop . hm I da penat . I'm just weak now , I don't think so I have anymore strength . Please . I'm on my knees . I'm sorry . love you always . please remember that .